No one wants

him to be pain. Building of borders in this helps until they turn into impregnable walls that hide us not only from pain and disappointment, but also from love, happiness and new opportunities. The psychotherapist Audrey Sherman tells about this.

I often talk with clients about the borders, about why they are needed and how to build them, how they determine our attitude towards ourselves and how we allow us to treat us. To find your place in life and build a healthy relationship, physical, emotional, sexual and spiritual boundaries are needed.

Once I noticed that many do not see the difference between healthy boundaries and emotional walls. Walls are like boundaries grown on steroids, the brain builds them to protect us. Sometimes they are useful, but more often it is like reinsurance, as a result, the border turns into a deaf wall hiding the world from us. Unlike the dividing lines that we build consciously in order to determine our place in the world and among people, the walls serve to protect the goals at all costs. How it looks?

Imagine that in past relations you were caused by pain. And now you begin to behave in such a way that the opportunity to get into a new relationship does not appear: you convince yourself that you are too busy with work or children, or come up with a reason to not get acquainted with anyone.

In fact, you want love, but you do not understand how to get it and not endanger. To protect yourself from potential pain, fenced off possible relationships. If your trust has been deceived more than once, you are building another wall that does not allow you to open to people. And although it protects you from new disappointments, at the same time you feel extremely lonely.

In this case, a healthy border would be trusted by another person, but at the same time say to himself: “I trust him, but if he betrays me, everything will be over”. You leave a solution for yourself, but do not fence away from the world.

In attempts to protect yourself, you can even create the image of an ideal partner in your head, and the bar will be so high that no one will reach it. You can convince yourself that you need such a person and that the only problem is that you have not met him yet. In fact, you built a wall through which even the most worthy candidate will not be able to move.