I am 26 years old, my girlfriend 23. We are together for 4 years. For a long time I feel that as a couple we are not moving towards anything. I can’t understand, this is some kind of stagnation and crisis

in our relationship or their end.

The girl says she needs more free space. We work remotely, we live in a one -room apartment. I offered her to take a place in coworking and work from there – I myself can’t, because I have a stationary computer, and also needs silence when working. But she refuses.

In the first year of the relationship, the girl was active: she went to the gym, studied at the university, was in a student. Now, from her entertainment, she only “suffer” – this is what she calls her pastime, and look for Instagram (an extremist organization banned in Russia). I manage to tear it out for a walk, a museum or persuade it to somehow actively spend time, but in her eyes there is absolutely no spark or at least a smile.

The girl is constantly unhappy with her body and her life as a whole: she complains that she does not know how, and compares herself with successful bloggers. Work does not give her any pleasure, only brings negative. She rejoices when I leave for training or walk with friends when I am not next to her. I try to give her more time to be alone, as she asks, because we really constantly see each other.

An important part of life together is sex. By the way, over the past year and a half, the amount of proximity can be counted on the fingers of the hands, or even one hand. We see each other every day, and she comes up to hug me. But when I do it myself, there is a feeling that it causes her discomfort. When I make her compliments, she carries my words, changing them to rude expressions. When I give flowers, does not be surprised and does not smile.

I think that she does not give her joy pastime with me. Maybe I became the reason that she does not enjoy life?

Eugene, it’s good that you are a responsible person and think about how you influence your girlfriend’s attitude to life. Indeed, it is very important in love to want to be happy and want to make a loved one happy. I see you are trying. You write that you give flowers, invite the girl to walk, invite her to develop. Apparently, you do a lot, but do not find a response.

The response is very important, because this is paired relationship. Each carries 100 percent of responsibility for their 50 percent of the contribution to communication. By your words, you are responsible for your 50 steps, and the girl destroys this contact. It can be seen that the girl herself chooses not to try and enjoy, but to suffer and look through Instagram (an extremist organization banned in Russia). This choice leads to the fact that her self -esteem is reduced, and she wants to suffer more and more.

Instead of joy from the gifts and compliments you get rudeness. It is worth stopping here and think about whether you should invest in such a feedback further in the relationship? This is not an equivalent relationship: you play the role of a rescuer, and the girl is converted to sacrifice. And the more you save her and try for her, the more she degrades.

When the couple plays such roles, a painful relationship is obtained. You should stop saving the girl and take care of yourself. Give in the initiative and just start to believe that she herself can handle. If he talks respectfully and tries – support, if he is rude and suffers, go completely into your affairs and develop yourself.

After some time you will see if your relationship has a future. After all, if you are valuable to the girl and your relationship, then she will begin to try – she will build communication and go through their 50 steps. If it does not start, then at least you will not destroy your life for the sake of a painful relationship.